The Gift after Leaving Narcissistic Parents
- Apr 3
- 6 min read
Updated: Apr 6
You reclaim your life:
You are now able to spend your time and energy towards inner nourishing, growth, healing and finally being able to meet new people who will become blessings added into your life. Just imagine the beauty a survivor of such dysfunctional childhoods now has in their life. Doors begin to open by the will of Allah.
The survivor can finally live life on their own terms, after healing with inner tranquillity and being able to control more with the freedom they now have on who they let in their life and remove due to disrespect.
Once a survivor leaves it is like their Rader is polished on detecting abuse, patterns, disrespect. This is due to the fact a person who grew up in such environments had to learn to eventually recognise these patterns in which others cannot normally recognise, that is a gift from Allah which can also be attained through hardship, trials, in which a survivors wisdom begins to form.
They end up rising out the flames like a phoenix.
Even stronger and powerful than before, sharpening ones inner emotional resilience granting the survivor wisdom, courage, as well as being unable to be easily manipulated anymore as the survivor has unlocked a deep level of critical thinking, pattern recognition skills.
Gift of Firasah:
In Islam there is a concept known as "Firasah" where it is a form of spiritual insight in which Allah casts understanding into the heart of a believer allowing them to see or sense the true state of affairs, this is also known as "Discernment" amongst others. It is not magic though others may suspect, neither does the believers who have this gift claim to "know the unseen" rather they are able to notice things happening due this spiritual intuition Allah gifts to certain believers.
Certain Muslim Survivors of Narcissistic parents acquire firasah from a young age in which it becomes sharper when one wakens up and leaves and the fog lifts, which is such a big gift, whilst being able to distinguish hidden motives, or inner thoughts of people even in complex situations from experiences, whilst others remain blind to it.
Ones Firasah sharpens the closer they are to Allah and even through such trials e.g narcissistic parents, it becomes less foggier, meanwhile the further one is from Allah the more foggier and blunt the firasah can be.
Many of the Salaf, companions from the past recieved such gifts, Abu Bakr As-Siddeeq رضي الله عنه is considered to be the one with the greatest firasah in the Ummah and Umar رضي الله عنه was the second. The incidents that prove Umar's firasah are numerous, familiar and well-known.
The fact that the Quran approved of his opinions in many incidents is sufficient evidence of his sharp firasah. One of which was his opinion regarding the redemption of the captives from the Battle of Badr.
Once a man named Sawad Bin Qarib passed by and Umar didn't know him. Umar said,
"This is either a soothsayer or he was so in the days of jahiliyyah."
Upon sitting before Umar, Sawad said, "O commander of the faithful! You never received any of your guests the way you did me." Umar said,
"What we used to do in the days of jahiliyyah is worse than this. But tell me about what I have asked you."
Sawad said, "You were true, O commander of the faithful! I was a soothsayer in the days of jahiliyyah, then he told him the story."
The Sahabah, in general, had the most accurate and sharpest firasah. The true firasah is obtained from life and from the light Allah grants to whom He wishes from amongst His true servants. The heart receives life and light and then its firasah will almost never be wrong.
Allah says, "Is he who was dead and We gave him life and set for him a light whereby he can walk amongst men, like him who is in the darkness from which he can never come out?" (1)
The verse describes the person as "dead" because of the disbelief in his heart and the life of Jahiliyyah or ignorance he was leading, but then Allah gave him life through emaan or faith of knowledge. Upon his acceptance of these gifts, the Qur'an and faith become the light by which he sees his way out of the darkness (of disbelief and ignorance) and onto the straight path.
Firasah is linked to three human organs: the eye, ear and heart.
His eye examines the look and the signs.
His ear examines the speech, the over expressions, oblique inferences and hints, content, logic and tone of voice.
And his heart analyzes both what is seen and heard to perceive hidden thoughts of others.
His analysis and examination of the interior compared to the exterior is like one who examines currency to see if it is counterfeit after examining the outside. It is also similar to Ahlul-Hadith, who will read a hadith that has a sound isnaad (chain of narrators) but upon examination of the matn (text of the hadith), it is found that it is a fabricated hadith. Or even how Imam Muslim is able to know the hidden defects ('ilal) in which can only be determined by high scholars of hadiths due to the skill they have.
There are two factors in firasah:
One is the quality of one's mind, the sharpness of the heart and the intelligence.
The second is the appearance of the signs and indications on others.
When both factors are present than one's firasah may not be wrong.
Iyaas bin Mu`awiyah had great firasah and he was well-known because of it, as was Imam Shaafi'i who was also reported to have written about it.
EVIDENCES:
“I have witnessed incredible things from the firasah of Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyyah, may God have mercy upon him; and what I have not seen are even greater – accounts that would need a large volume to document:
He informed his companions how the Tartars would invade the Levant (sham), in the year 699H, how the Muslim armies would be vanquished, and how there would be no indiscriminate killing or the taking of captives in Damascus, and how the army’s sole craving would be for wealth. All of this was before the Tartars had even decided to set-out. He then informed the public and the rulers, in the year 702H, as the Tartars were advancing on the Levant, of how they would be routed and defeated, and how triumph and victory would be for Muslims. He swore an oath about this over seventy times. So the people insisted, say ‘God-willing (insha’Llah),’ to which he replied: ‘God-willing; in the sense it will happen, not in the sense it could happen!’ I heard him say this. He said: ‘When they kept urging me, I said: Do not do so. For God, Exalted is He, has written it in the Preserved Tablet (al-lawh al-mahfuz), that on this occasion they will be defeated and that victory shall be for the armies of Islam.’ …
He once remarked: ‘My companions and others come to me, and I see on their faces, and in their eyes, things I do not mention to them.’ So I, or someone else, said to him: What if you just tell them? He replied: ‘Do you wish that I become a fortune-teller like those [in the courts] of the rulers?’
I once said to him: If you treat us according to what you see, it will help make us more steadfast and upright. He replied: ‘You would not be able to put up with me for even a Friday, or a month!’
He informed me on several occasions about certain private matters I intended to do, but which I had not spoken of to anyone. He told me of major events that would take place in the future, without specifying dates. I have seen some of them happen; I await the others. What his senior companions have witnessed of this is far more than what I have seen. And God knows best.” (2)
------
According to the strength and weakness of insight, one’s discernment is determined. So it distinguished between what Allah (سبحانه وتعالى ) loves and what He hates of entities, sayings, and actions; and distinguished between the vile and the good, the rightful and the false, the truthful and the liar; and knew the measures of the readiness of those walking to Allah (سبحانه وتعالى ), so it carried every person according to the measure of his readiness, in knowledge, will, and action (3)
Abu Sa’id al-Khudri reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, said, “Beware of the intuition of the believer. Verily, he sees with the light of Allah.” Then, the Prophet recited the verse, “Verily, in that are signs for those of discernment.” (15:75) (4)
Imam Ibn al-Qayyim commented, “It is a light that Allah bestows in the heart of His servant, by which one distinguishes between truth and falsehood, advantage and disadvantage, the honest person and the liar.” (5)
Anas ibn Malik reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Verily, Allah Almighty has servants who can know the hearts of people by their discerning of signs.” (6)
References:
Quran [6:122]
Madarij al-Salikin, 3:368-70.
Madarij al-Salikin, part 1 p. 123].
Sunan al-Tirmidhī 3127
Madārij al-Sālikīn 2/453
al-Mu’jam al-Awsaṭ lil-Ṭabarānī 2935
